


You Maito Die

by Hiti67



Category: Naruto
Genre: Cool Mentor, Crack, Eight Gates, Gen, Kishi Promised Us Blood, Naruto is Genre Savy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 19:38:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8934394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiti67/pseuds/Hiti67
Summary: When Kishimoto introduced the Eight Gates he promised us blood. We weren't the only ones disappointed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

“...opening all eight gates will grant you power greater than a Hokage, but, in exchange you will surely die.”

 

Blinking, Naruto stopped and thought about that for a moment. With tears in his eyes and a slowly dawning look of horror on his face he turned to embrace Gai-sensei.

 

“You poor bastard...you’re a ‘Cool Mentor’!”

 

Gai was shocked for all of a second before erupting into great, boastful, guffaws. “Ha-Ha! Hear that, Kakashi? Even your own student recognizes my youthful coolness!”

 

Kakashi gave a long suffering sigh, but before he could respond he was interrupted by Naruto’s quiet tears transforming into sorrowful wails.

 

“You don’t understand,” he wept, “you’re a cool, funny, likeable character who isn’t a member of the primary cast, and taught one of the main character's’ friends a forbidden technique which will lead to inevitable death at full power! Lee can only open five gates and it would be way too dark for a thirteen year old to die in a shonen manga anyway, but the Eight Gates is too cool to not show! The author is totally going to kill you off!”

 

As the signs of his coming doom became apparent to Gai he fell to his knees to join Naruto in his tears.

 

Four years later, after awakening his Super-Duper-God Mode and healing Gai-sensei of his mortal wounds, Naruto looked down at the very much alive Gai and had only one thing to say.

“Oh, Bullshit!”


End file.
